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Hard Times (Part 2)
4 min read
(Continued from part 1: phantom303.deviantart.com/jour… )
Our family made the decision on September 6th to take her off life support and let her go. None of us wanted to prolong her suffering. We were all there with her, and we all got to say goodbye and how much we loved her while she was still awake. The nurses put her on the maximum dose of morphine and a mild sedative before removing life support. She passed quickly and very peacefully.
(Nurses are amazing and wonderful and under appreciated. If you know a nurse, tell them thank you for all that they do. The nurses at UK hospital were so wonderful to us and we told them every single day my mom was there how much we appreciated everything they did for us and my mom)
It hasn't even been three weeks yet, and I think I'm still in shock. I've cried some, but mostly I've just been numb and living in a daze. I have many good friends that have been incredibly supportive through all of this, and I love them to pieces. Without them (and my family of course), I would be much worse off than I am.
This is her obituary www.legacy.com/obituaries/kent… The photo is of her in high school I think.
On September 13, exactly a week after my mom died, Lucy was diagnosed with EPM (Equine Protozoal Myeloencephalitis). She was displaying neurological symptoms, not walking correctly, dragging her back feet, muscle atrophy along her topline. We started her on aggressive EPM treatment the next day. Today, September 24th, she has started to show small signs of improvement. She's not dragging her toes as much, and if I put one back foot across the other, she puts it back where it's supposed to be fairly quickly, which last week she wasn't able to do. She's still easily pulled off balance due to the muscle atrophy in her back and hindquarters though. My vet is thrilled with the small improvements she's made. She still has a very long way to go. She will most likely never be rideable again, but as long a she can be a happy, pain free pasture puff I'm fine with that. I just can not loose her yet. Not now.
On the bright side, my brother seems to be coping with loosing our mom as well as can be expected. Starting in late 2011 he has been struggling with severe depression with psychotic episodes, and multiple suicide attempts. He was in a psychiatric hospital for a while, and he has been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist since. He seems to finally be on the correct medication, and has been doing exceptionally well for almost a year now. We've been watching him like a hawk since my mom went into the hospital the last time, and he's coping well. No suicide attempts. He's got several art projects that he's very excited about, and is an art major at the University of Kentucky and is doing well in his classes so far this semester, through all of this.
I'm just exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'd love to just go off and live as a hermit away from everyone and everything that could ever cause me pain again. But I can't, as my horses, friends, and family need me.
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Hard Times (Part 1)
5 min read
Again, it's been a while since I've posted anything here, and I thought that for those who are interested, I post an update on the insanity that is my life. Recently though, it's been more of a nightmare than just the normal crazy. This is going to be very long, so thank you if you read the entire thing. Typing all of this out at one time is helping me process everything better, everything still seems surreal, I don't think I've fully accepted it all yet.
On August 31, we had to make the difficult decision to have Big Red humanely euthanized. Last year, his suspensory tendons and ligaments in his hind fetlocks gave out on him and tore. He had developed enough scar tissue that our vet thought it was ok to keep him going with support wraps and pain meds. He had been doing very well, he was his usual self attitude wise, his appetite was good, he was his same old self except a bit slower than he used to be. The last week of August of this year though, we think his suspensories tore again. He had started walking very oddly in his hind end after getting his feet trimmed, and he had also been dropping a lot of weight.
Our vet said we were out of options, and that it was time to let him go. Abby, Sarah, and myself kept him comfortable for a few days until Friday, when Penny got back from a business trip for work. Friday (the 30th) and Saturday (the 31st), he had seemed to be doing better, but we knew it was temporary. We wanted to let him go on a high note, when he was feeling good, and with his dignity. We absolutely did not want him to pass on out in the field alone if he laid down and was unable to get back up.
Saturday morning, we had a grave dug for him in the corner of Penny's backyard on the farm. When our vet got here, we led Red and Midnight into the backyard and let them graze for a few minutes. We had to bring Midnight over by the grave as well, he would have freaked if we had just taken Red away from him. We led Red over next to the grave, with Midnight standing a little ways behind him. Penny and I were right with him the entire time, stroking his face and telling him how much we and everyone love him.
Our vet was amazing with the euthanasia process. He sedated Red heavily first, and we all helped him lay down gently, we did not want him just crashing to the ground. Once he was on the ground, Penny and I sat down by his head, still talking to him and petting him, but by this point we were both crying like crazy. The vet then administered the fatal dose of medication, and Red passed very peacefully. It was very quick, and Red did not suffer at all. Penny got up after a few minutes to help Abby and Sarah tend to Midnight, who we knew was about to have a breakdown. I sat there with Red for what seemed like a long time, but was only about 20 minutes.
Red was one of my childhood horses. My dad got him and Bugsy before I was born. Bugsy passed away of natural causes probably ten years or so ago when he was 28. Red has been here for my entire life. He was one of the horses that taught me to ride, he was just a dependable friend who was always there. Always. And now he's gone. A piece of me left with Red that day. I will always be grateful to Penny for taking such excellent care of Red in his final years on her farm.
Six days after loosing Red, on September 6th, my mom passed away. It was due to complications from her double lung transplant back in February of 2011. She had Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. (www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/en…) (for more details on her illness and transplant, look at these past journals of mine: phantom303.deviantart.com/jour… , phantom303.deviantart.com/jour… , phantom303.deviantart.com/jour… )
On the morning of July 4th, 2013, we could not wake my mom up. She was taken back to the University of Kentucky hospital in an ambulance, and we found out what had happened. While she was asleep that night, she had been breathing, but her lungs had become stiff due to rejection and the oxygen she was breathing in was not passing into her bloodstream properly, and she had fallen into a coma. She was immediately taken to the cardio-thoracic ICU, where she remained on life support for a little over two months. The first day she was there, July 5th, she regained consciousness and had started to improve a lot. She couldn't talk due to being on a ventilator, but she could recognize us and blink yes or no and squeeze our hands.
(Well, apparently DA has a length limit on journal entries. I'll continue this in another entry, here: phantom303.deviantart.com/jour… )
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It's been a while
2 min read
I hope everyone here is doing well. Life has been crazy but good for me. I got a new horse in October 2012!! His name is Rory and he's a 4 year old Thoroughbred. When I got him, he'd been out to pasture for about a year and a half, and he was green broke. I've been training him myself, (with the guidance of my trainer Lindsay). He's such a sweet, goofy little thing. I'm planning on training him to be a jumper. This is him: www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbi…
He is registered with the Jockey Club, and his registered name is "Kentucky Kowboy". I'm calling him Rory though. He's a grandson of Seattle Slew! This is his breeding. www.pedigreequery.com/kentucky…
So far, he's been doing very well, Princess absolutely loves him, and Lucy tolerates him. He's very smart and eager to please. His training is coming along nicely. His gaits are wonderful to ride. He has such a smooth canter. I'm hopelessly attached. He makes me laugh on a daily basis. He just has to lick everything he sees, including my face and hair.
If anyone is interested in following my photography, I post it on Facebook now. www.facebook.com/JoLeeWillisPh…
He is registered with the Jockey Club, and his registered name is "Kentucky Kowboy". I'm calling him Rory though. He's a grandson of Seattle Slew! This is his breeding. www.pedigreequery.com/kentucky…
So far, he's been doing very well, Princess absolutely loves him, and Lucy tolerates him. He's very smart and eager to please. His training is coming along nicely. His gaits are wonderful to ride. He has such a smooth canter. I'm hopelessly attached. He makes me laugh on a daily basis. He just has to lick everything he sees, including my face and hair.
If anyone is interested in following my photography, I post it on Facebook now. www.facebook.com/JoLeeWillisPh…
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I'm still alive
7 min read
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Winter Photo Contest
6 min read
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